Yesterday’s Workout – Spinning and Recline Bike
Total Time Spinning: 1:00:18
Total Time on the Recline Bike: 20:15
I got in another good cross training workout yesterday, but it was tough!
I woke up yesterday morning feeling pretty awful. My throat hurt, I had a headache, and my body was so sore. I knew it was coming last night when I went to bed. My husband has been sick so it was just a matter of time.
Wes left about 6:30 AM to go running with some of his friends and I didn’t wake up until around 8:00 when he got back. We both then proceeded to get back in bed and sleep for another hour. It was just one of those days.
It took everything in me to drag myself to the gym.
I started off with one hour on the spin bike.
The room was empty when I got there which was nice. I had the whole place to myself.
I told myself if I felt too awful that it would be okay to quit. I didn’t feel so hot for the first 20 minutes, but then as the time progressed I slowly started feeling better.
I was so tired after the hour was up.
I opted to go sit on the recline bike and cool down until I knew Wes was ready to go.
This was more just to shake out my legs than anything else. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to burn a few more calories either.
Total workout time was 1 hour and 20 minutes. I felt pretty wiped out after so we took it easy most of the night.
I decided it was time to be honest. I’ve been really struggling lately.
I’ve loved being able to cheer on my husband at his races and being his biggest fan, don’t get me wrong! The problem is I have become extremely hard on myself and gotten to the point where I am bringing myself down.
I am becoming my own worst enemy.
I don’t have my “outlet” during this time and it has become much harder. Most days I just try to keep myself busy and not focus on it. Cross training is helping, but it just doesn’t replace what running gave me.
I have become a self-sabotager (is that even a word?) and I’m sure it is equally as frustrating for my husband. I know he doesn’t like to hear me talk so negatively about myself, but for some reason I just can’t shake it.
As I’ve admitted to before, I know this injury is due to my own mistakes. I blame myself a lot and that combined with still being unemployed has really hit me hard in the last couple weeks. I have always prided myself if nothing else on supporting my husband and I financially while he is in medical school and running. I no longer am able to say either of those things.
I don’t really know how to get out of this funk – the only thing I know to do is keep myself busy and focus on what is important in my life.
This is a time period I know I will look back on and regret not making the most out of. I know next year when my husband begins residency and is working 70-80 hours per week I will give anything to have these days back.
Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I have positive days, but some days are just hard and I feel the need to express it. I don’t want to sound negative, because I know I have so much to be thankful for!
Have you ever been in a “funk”?
Have you ever found yourself self-sabotaging? What did you do to get out of it?
For those of you who asked my husband some questions on his guest post – I am working on getting those answers for you! He has been studying a TON this week for his medical board exam next week, but I promise it is coming! I haven’t forgotten about you 🙂
I can’t even imagine how difficult this time must be. I’ve definitely been in “funks” before, but I’ve never had two huge parts of my life suddenly go away. I have been through some tough times, though, and coming out of everything, I do believe that everything happens for a reason – whatever that reason may be. I know it is probably hard, but try and see yourself as so much more than just a runner and (insert job title here). You are an amazing wife, daughter, and I’m sure many other things. Maybe it would help to focus on the things that you can do (swimming/spinning! Writing/developing your blog! maybe pick up a new non-running related hobby! Spend this time learning about nutrition and trying lots of new recipes!). Maybe you’ll find a new passion out of it?! 🙂
I think it is just a phase and I am sure I will break out of it! Cross training helps a lot and I try the best I can to focus on that but sometimes all I feel like will help clear my head and make me feel better is running 🙂
Thank you for uplifting thoughts! I didn’t want to sound like a downer, but I just have been in this funk lately and didn’t want to act like I was feeling so awesome when I wasn’t!
Have a great weekend!
I can definitely relate! I got injured after my marathon this past summer and had to take significant time off from running. I found something that helped me was finding other things that bring me joy. Whether just spending time with friends, reading, lifting weights, trying new recipes from Pinterest, etc., I kept myself busy doing other things I found enjoyable and just realized that there is so much more to life than running. Hopefully, that is helpful advice! Life is so beautiful, I hope you can find other ways to enjoy it!!
Thank you 🙂 Yes I need to continue to remind myself of this and focus on the positive things in my life – because there are many! 🙂
Must be something in the air this time of year causing all of this funkiness! I blogged a Wendy-Whiner post the other day too! My daily running had turned into “have to” instead of “get to” and I blew off two days this week. I then felt crappy about myself and wallowed in my own misery until yesterday. It’s OK for us to moan every now and then, it makes us human. No one is happy-awesome all the time. 😀
Kaitlyn hit the nail on the head, we are more than runners and sometimes need a gentle reminder of all of the things we are.
Take your time getting better, it will be worth it in the long run. (No pun intended.)
I completely agree! I think I put too much of who I am into running and I lost track of the important things. Of course, running can always be a big part of who I am but I can’t let it define me! My job as a wife, daughter, and sister is much more important!
Thank you very much! 🙂
I am so sorry you’re struggling, this breaks my heart. I can totally understand how you feel, and I have been in the self-sabotage cycle before, even though I’ve never lost my job. It totally sucks :(. It’s painful to see two big parts of your life be out of reach temporarily (running and providing financially), but you’re forgetting the most important things that give you value – that you’re an amazing person, and a supportive and loving wife! I know you do a great job at so many other things – blogging is just one that I’m so glad you do! This will all run its course and you’ll come out stronger. Hang in there!!!! Hugs.
Thank you Megan 🙂 Yes, I was doing so well keeping positive and then all the sudden this just hit me out of no where! I need to focus on the important things in my life and show the other parts of me. Running is a part of me but it can’t define me!
Hopefully today is a new day and a new week is ahead with some pretty awesome things to look forward to!
Thank you for your honesty. And I have definitely been in a funk before. While it was not from injury, it was most definitely from over-training and not listening to my body when it first asked for a break. Then when I forced myself to take it, I couldn’t get going and I lost motivation. I understand it! And for you having two major parts of your life gone, well it just adds to the frustration I bet. Hang in there and take it one day at a time. Maybe while you are unemployed, find something that you can do as a hobby (you are a great blogger!!), maybe start a business, or just hang out and let this run its course. You are an amazing individual and all of this will get better. Hugs!!
Oh man what I would give to start a business – but I would have NO idea what to do! Blogging has been a great outlet for me and I LOVE it! Cross training is helping and I of course need to start focusing on the positive things in my life!
Thank you so much! You are so sweet! Hugs back to you! 🙂
It is all like a perfect storm of spiraling ‘funk’ … and I really wish I had good advice. Because I know that lack of job and lack of running combine to make you feel bad … then feeling bad takes time away you should be ‘present’ with Wes … and that makes you feel WORSE. Ugh!
When I got laid off I worked hard to not be down, but the economy had already started to worsen, our home value was dropping, and I account for 90% of the household income! So I put loads of pressure on myself, and what I didn’t know at the time was my thyroid was failing, driving my energy through the floor … so I also wasn’t exercising and was gaining weight! It just really sucks.
The first thing is to understand that losing your job was NOT your fault – neither is the fact that the economy still sucks. My older son turned 16 last year and wanted a summer job, but found that all of the jobs typically held by high school and college kids were held by adults. Ouch.
Also, sure you went out too hard and too fast with your running – but you really DO need to forgive yourself! You have learned you are not indestructible, and are doing all the right things to bring yourself back.
What do you need to do? Get up offa that thing and dance ’til you feel better …
Thank you! Yes, I made mistakes and somehow someway I need to find a way to not blame myself so much.
There are so many great things in my life and I need to go back to focusing on those! My husband means the world to me, words cannot even express it – and I should be focusing on being the best wife, daughter, and sister that I possibly can at this time!
I know I will find a job again eventually – if not while we are living in PA, then when we move to the next place our lives take us – and I should be soaking up all this time I am able to spend with my husband. Sometimes the guilt just creeps back in!
The economy is pretty awful – and the fact that I’m moving in 6-7 months really doesn’t help my case either! It will all come with time I know 🙂
I will try to start dancin’!! 😉
Oh dear…you poor love. I can so relate to these feelings and whenever I have been struck with an injury, I have BEEN THERE. I feel ya and I am so sorry you are having a rough time. Know that “this too shall pass” (really and truly it will) and although it is hard now, you are building emotional and mental strength.
I do think you are being really hard on yourself and having really high expectations of yourself. (I know this because I am the exact same way). You developed a femoral stress fracture for a reason and I do believe our body’s are extremely wise and send us messages all the time if we are willing to listen. Often we are not. I’m usually not (getting better atll the time:). The messages usually start off as a whisper and if we don’t listen, they hit us like a ton of bricks.
I really think you need to ease up yourself in terms of even your recovery workouts. Your body sent you a message and I think you need to listen to it a little bit more (just a little bit my dear:). Pool running sounds fantastic and spinning, weights, etc., but I think you may continue to feel down/burnout because you are still pushing yourself, A. LOT. It may not be running specific, but it’s still pushing–physically and mentally.
Often we push physically because we are escaping something mentally/emotionally. I know you are struggling with your inability to find employment at this time and I am so sorry to hear that. I know things will be brighter soon.
I hope this doesn’t come across as a lecture, it is meant from a place of compassion and complete understanding (I read myself in this post). Know that you are still doing FAR more than 99.999999% of the population and you are being quite hard on yourself. I know it’s all a matter of relativity and with your dear husband being VERY ambitious, you may feel like your activity and expectations are quite reasonable. If you are feeling low and having stress fractures (no matter the cause, I know you said it’s from training wrong, but regardless of the reason, it’s a message from the body), your bodymind is not happy with you. The mind and body are one. So if you are feeling unwell in body, your mind will follow suit and vice versa. Nourish yourself emotionally and give yourself time and a break. I wouldn’t dive back so whole-hog into training, even if it’s cross training. Again, if you decide to, I totally will not judge you my friend. I can’t say I would follow my own advice, but I think so. It’s taken me MANY years, various injuries, and loads of life lessons to get to this place and I know we always need to learn our own lessons. XOXOX Big hug and you are loved. Tomorrow is a new day!
Awww thank you! I do appreciate it! I have a lot to learn I know, and maybe this is just an “off” week. I have been through so much in the past couple months that I think it just finally all caught up with me!
My husband always tells me I’m too hard on myself – and I wish it was as simple as just “stop doing it.” I notice I do it subconsciously a lot of the time.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I really appreciate them!
When I’m in a funk I usually look to try something new to get me out of it, usually it is a new workout class or something. I think it’s good to switch up your usual routine and just try to get a fresh start once in a while
-Elise @ 9toFit.com
Great idea Elise! Yes I have been trying to find new types of cross training to participate it – it sure does help!
Sorry to hear that you’re having a rough time! Honestly, you have a lot on your plate, between the injury and – temporary! – unemployment. I think 99.999999% of people would struggle in your position, so if possible, try to be gentle with yourself! I know this is much easier said than done, as I am personally the first to denigrate myself whenever I am struggling. I think you are doing such an awesome job of staying active, despite the injury. Hopefully some other people in this community who have had injuries that took them out of commission for a little while will be able to validate what you’re going through!
Oh, and on the subject of self-sabotage… I consider myself the Queen on that topic. Feeling down about myself? Why not make it ten times worse by bingeing on ice cream and cake, then lying around in bed feeling like a friendless whale? Yeah, I’m the worst.
Oh you should have seen the amount of unnecessary food that I ate tonight! 🙂 I know it all too well!!
Thank you 🙂 I am trying to go easier on myself. Some days are better than others! I know the unemployment is temporary but I Feel so bad for the stress it is adding too us – hopefully some day soon something will come along!
Girl I am so proud you for admitting this. Thats the first step. As you know I am having a hard time too. I am stuck. And I just feel like something is not right in my life. I am just trying to stay positive. I also need to stop being so hard on myself. I wish you the best of luck. You are a strong lady!
Aww thank you girl! 🙂 Sometimes you just have to let yourself get down and then pick yourself up and move on!! You are a strong lady as well! We will both get to the better side! 🙂 I know it!
I’ve definitely been in serious funks before and I’m so sorry you’re struggling. You probably feel better just from putting it out there and that’s really admirable. Here’s my advice: let yourself be upset for however long you need – even if it’s each day – and then focus on all the good in your life. I know this is way easier said than done. I got hurt on my last 20 miler before the marathon I was training for at the end if September. I haven’t run for 1.5 months now and it’s sad for me because I love fall running as I’m sure you do too. I’ve had to focus on other areas of my life – clean diet, job, thinking about possibly going back to school, husband, dogs, and really who I am without running. It’s hard when running is your outlet because it’s mine too. You can and will come out this stronger and a better runner from taking care of you – body and mind. All the support you give your husband is such a gift and you are so amazing for all you do. Just keep thinking about all the good in your life. We’ll be running again soon and this will all be a thing of the past 🙂 Have a good Sunday! Do something for you!
Great advice Em! I completely agree. I let myself have my day of focusing on the negative, and now it is time to get back up and focus on the things that I can control! I have so much good in my life and by looking at the negative it sure doesn’t help. I need to focus on what I have right in front of me – and right now that is A LOT! 🙂
Yes…been there and still trying to get out of my own over here.
After only getting the running bug a few years ago it only took about a year before my hip said OH NO! Stop that stuff!! I was bummed and a little scared but I started eating healthier and lost those dreaded 10 pounds ONLY to have the holidays hit hard. (Always a stressful time for me and the sweets were in over load) Within months I gained back the 10 pounds plus a few more.
It’s been 5 months now and I still cannot get back to the mind set of eating like I did then ~ healthier and portion controlled ~ so frustrating~ And my hip? I can run a 5K finally but I still want to complete a 10 miler or half and feel the high I did before this injury stuff happened. UGH…
I know, as I am sure you do, its not the end of the world. I have a ton to be thankful for. Life is good!! But, the mind plays with our heart and soul a lot. Just keep plugging away and wait for the day for the injuries to be at bay!! (yea, I guess I wanted to rhyme like that..ha!)
Yes I have learned to take things one day at a time from this injury. If I looked at the long term I think I would have a panic attack, but by just trying to focus on all I can one day at a time I am able to get through sometimes very long days.
I’m sorry you have hip problems! That has got to be hard. Do they know what it is??
Eating is the hard part for me to. I was so trained to eat one way when I was running 8-10 miles per day and now I don’t do that anymore so I have to retrain the way I do things. It is hard sometimes, but I guess it is teaching me some valuable lessons!
Hope you feel better as well!
We’ve all been there – in some form or another – about our health, our body, our jobs….you can get into this kind of funk very easily! This too shall pass…just remember that! And you have all of us to vent to whenever you need to! 🙂
-Sammy @ http://www.peaceandloveandicecream.com
Thank you Sammy 🙂 I really love using my blog sometimes as an outlet when I don’t have any other way to express how I feel!
I know everyone has been there at some time or another, so I too will move on past this 🙂
I’m sorry you’re having a tough time right now. Give yourself credit for noticing and trying to do something about it – even talking about it and being aware of it is a good thing! No need to apologize for “being negative” – what is, is, and what you feel is what you feel.
Remember that part of it is due to the biochemical mess of having your regular runs taken away, your body dealing w/ injury and now whatever cold thing you have – the physical has tremendous effect on the mental & emotional. When you get the moments of clarity or good feeling, seize them and go with it. Know that those are your TRUE self. The rest is just “weather” – it comes and goes, and if all you can do is breathe and wait for it to pass, it WILL pass. I read something that stuck with me (from A Stroke of Insight, fantastic book – then echoed in Pema Chodron books and a book on Willpower) – a feeling, thought or emotion IF NOT REINFORCED BY RUMINATION OR STORYTELLING is an electrical impulse that will fade after 90 seconds. When you get a “I’m bad” thought – you can challenge it or simply say to yourself “isn’t it interesting that I’m thinking that, but it doesn’t mean that it’s true” and let it pass.
Seize every positive moment, though, sight, sound, smell, taste and revel in it – think about it – “how yummy this tea is”, “how beautiful those leaves are”, “how lucky I am to have my husband”, “how comfortable is my couch” – EVERYTHING positive, no matter how small, bask in that moment and appreciate it.
I agree the eating thing can be very hard. Sometimes you’ll have to adjust and just not have certain things in the house if you know you’re not going to be able to control yourself (I’ve had to do that). You’re using up a lot of willpower (which can be built and strengthened, but is supposedly finite) on trying to stay positive, continuing cross-training, and dealing with job and other stresses. It’s not surprising you might run out with respect to food and it’s a way of comforting yourself. When you feel best/strongest (or get your husband to help) set up the conditions to make what you know to be BEST for yourself the EASIEST thing – make the less healthy choices harder, like having to go out for them or make them. (that said, once in a while an indulgence, treat or comfort food can be quite beneficial)
Try to treat yourself with compassion and kindness, like a beloved friend or dear small child. If you catch yourself “beating yourself up” – ask yourself – would I say this to my best friend or a 6 year old? Would I allow someone else to say these things to people I loved? If not, then perhaps you’re being too harsh.
You could try writing down 3 things you are grateful for every night – cheesy, I know, but I’ve done it and it works. (sometimes it’s “that this day is over and tomorrow might be better” but that still counts!)
Give yourself credit for anything and everything positive you do, no matter how small it is (it will seem silly, but do it anyway). Took a shower today? Good for you! Bit your tongue when you wanted to complain, argue or say sharp words? Awesome! Did a workout when you had a cold and really just wanted to lay in bed and cry? You are a ROCK STAR! Write down all the good things like this at the end of the day. When I was having a tough time a couple of weeks ago, I realized I wanted positive feedback for all the extra stuff I have been doing to rehab – going to the cold pool, biking, daily stretching exercises, etc…I know that the real reward is being able to run and my health, but I still sometimes need external validation. This reminded me of Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project “give gold stars” where she realized she could appreciate what she was doing (and stop looking for it from her husband for regular things) and she bought herself gold star stickers and started using them. I ordered some meaning to put them on my calendar on days I got everything done I was “supposed” to, so that I could reinforce my progress and feel rewarded. So far the sheet of stickers is on my fridge but I haven’t even opened it – it does make me smile to see it though.
I wish that you see 3 things that make you smile and ease your heart today. Wishing you all the best.
Wow thank you MJ! I love everything you said! It is true I need to focus on the positive in my life! When I feel the negative thoughts coming on I need to focus on what is most important! I have so much to be thankful for and am blessed in so many ways! I will use these tips throughout this week!
You are awesome!
Hang in there! I feel your pain, struggling with runners knee. Its so hard when running is your go to thing.
Thank you Brooke! 🙂 It is hard, but trying to focus on the right things!
One more thing I forgot to mention – the best and fastest way to feel better when you’re feeling down or filled with self-loathing/abuse is to do something, anything for someone else – reach out. Even if you do it anonymously (sometimes that’s even better!)
Couldn’t agree more MJ! Thank you again! 🙂