I was a good injured runner and took an entire day off of working out yesterday.
I did this last Sunday and I think my body really thanked me for it on Monday. I am learning a lot along this crazy journey back from injury, and sometimes we don’t want to do things but our body wants us to do them.
I think leaving my shoes at home was fates way of telling me take an ENTIRE day off. I am focusing on being the best car driver and supportive wife today, and honestly that is one of my most favorite rolls.
Thanks to my running obsessed husband he did remember to pack the foam roller.
I did spend about 15 minutes making sure I stretched and foam rolled to try to work out my pesky tight groin muscle and every other muscle in my leg.
Has anyone else had problems with this?!
We didn’t bring any food with us when making this little trip, so to save some money I decided to enjoy some of the hotel’s complementary breakfast.
2 hardboiled eggs, an orange, and cheerios with Strawberry yogurt.
I don’t know if it is just that I have been used to plain Greek yogurt for so long but this yogurt was just too sweet. You would have never heard me say that years ago, but it just was too much for first thing in the morning.
Of course, before all this you know I can’t say no to free coffee.
I spent most of the morning getting lots of work done because I knew we wouldn’t be getting home until very late.
I did run two very important errands before I picked Wes up from his test.
1. Candy
Wes has been so stressed about this test and the one he has next week for so long I felt like he needed a reward.
I picked him up some of his favorite candy so he would have them on the car ride home. Yep, I should win wife of the year award. (I kid).
I won’t even admit how much I spent on it, and I know it’s not the healthiest of snacks but if it brings even 20 minutes of happiness to him while he’s under all this stress then it was so worth it.
2. More Coffee
I stopped by Starbucks to get a little bit more work done and go for coffee #2. Don’t judge me it’s just too delicious this time of year.
Seeing as this post has had a lot of various foods in it, I think it is time to talk about something I’ve never discussed on the blog.
I have mentioned a few times how I am focusing on nutrition, and I have come a long way in the last month or so! What I haven’t discussed is my issues over the past 6 months when it comes to food.
I had some very disordered eating habits. When I say disordered my typical day for about 4 months was:
1. Get up – have coffee.
2. Workout
3. Don’t eat anything until dinner (basically I starved myself all day)
4. Eat a small dinner
5. Binge late at night because I was so hungry on a bunch of unhealthy crap
There were several problems with this. My body was not getting the nutrients that it needed to properly function and make it healthy and strong. That combined with my crazy running after I lost my job lead to a very awesome femoral stress fracture. I have no doubt in my mind that my disordered eating had a huge impact on my injury.
I really don’t know how I got started on this “starve myself all day and gorge myself on crap at night” diet I was doing, but I was under a lot of pressure at work for a while and that combined with a crazy idea I needed to drop some weight from a 10 lb weight gain I put on at the time really screwed my thinking up.
It messed with my emotions, my body, my health, and lead me to face some serious consequences.
As Wes and I were traveling back in November for his interviews we had a very serious discussion in the car. He was worried about me and could see that I was a wreck.
I knew what I was doing but I wouldn’t admit it. I am 27 years old and in the next year or two we probably will start seriously talking about starting a family. I need my body to be healthy and strong when I decide to get pregnant. Not only that but I need to establish a healthy relationship with food before I get to that point. My life isn’t just about me, my weight, or my running anymore. I am going to have a much greater purpose.
I since then have made a conscious effort of several things:
1. Eat 3-4 meals per day. (also snacks)
2. Make the meals I am eating nutritious and good for my body
3. Don’t limit myself on treats so much that I binge. I need to give in to something small at least once a day
4. Stop counting calories
5. Eat to be healthy
These aren’t strict rules, but I am making an effort to really focus on my health and my future. My relationship with food has grown so much healthier over the last month, but I have a ways to go. I will get there.
I wasn’t going to say anything on the blog, but then I decided I wanted to be honest and let you understand some of what I’ve been dealing with. I want you to understand that I am learning from my mistakes and I want anyone else who is doing something harmful to see there is hope. Thankfully my husband saw what I was doing and opened my eyes before it went too far. Sometimes tough love is the best love, and it is just another of the million reasons I love him!
I was a little afraid to talk about this for fear of judgment. Then I realized I put myself out there when I started this blog, and if my honesty can help one person from going down a dark road before it gets too far then I it was worth it.
Even though it is cheesy I wanted to leave you with this hotel room selfie.
The reason I took this picture this morning was because for once I am finding myself. I am at a much happier place in my life and am realizing that life is so much more than I ever realized. You can’t see it like I can, but instead of faking a smile and trying to make it through the day for once I am genuinely happy and proud of ME! Just the way I am.
Tell me something HAPPY! 🙂
Have you ever have a “wake up” moment in your life?
I *totally* get the ‘too sweet’ thing with the hotel yogurt – when traveling to Kentucky for all those months the hotel I stayed at most of the time had a free breakfast, and the first morning I ended up with a breakfast similar to yours – and also couldn’t believe how sweet the yogurt tasted! It was that day I started my ‘shopping for supplies’ strategy for all of the trips. So glad I did – and we did the same thing on vacation this summer and it was a great decision.
Totally agree on getting Wes the candy – sometimes these little indulgences have an incredible psychological effect … worth the money, calories, and so on!
I will have to wait until later to comment on the rest, but suffice to say I am not surprised at all, but proud of you for sharing it and more importantly for addressing it. 🙂
It’s funny because years ago it would have been the sweeter the better but now it is just not the same! I could barely eat it, but I did my best! haha It tasted more like a dessert to me! I much prefer plain greek yogurt and use my own sweeteners (protein powder, honey, and fruit)
He did love the candy 🙂 It made it relax some and that was all I really wanted!
Sara, I’m SO proud of you for admitting this – on the blog, but more importantly to yourself. That is an enormous first step, and the fact that you’re able to put all the pieces together and know what you need to do to fix it is amazing! I have also struggled with eating way too many unhealthy foods at night, although I wasn’t refraining from eating during the day, just restricting a little more than I should have been. It’s a really hard cycle to break and something I definitely still deal with, especially when I’m more stressed. If I can do anything to help, please let me know. Otherwise, just know we are all cheering for you!! <3
Thank you Megan! I went back and forth on writing this post because I was scared of the response, but I just want to help others if there is any way too! I am proud to say the past month I have re-focused on nutrition and my body has never felt better! There are so many reasons I was harming myself but now I am doing things the right way and I feel so awesome!
Thanks for your sweet words 🙂 They really do mean a lot!
It is funny, I have done some posts regarding weight and weight loss (and the realities of what happens to your body after extreme weight loss #ewww) … and Megan and I were talking about much of this stuff in the comments of some of those posts.
I think the thing to realize is that life is an ultra-ultra-marathon. That is both good and bad. The good side is that for people such as myself who were at one time non-athletic and very obese there is plenty of time to be able to become a marathoner who will break 3000 miles run this year (not even humble, just a brag! 🙂 )
But on the other hand, it also means that once you have an ‘eating disorder’ or ‘unhealthy relationship with food’ (which is what I call my situation) … it will forever be part of your life. I know that I am *incredibly* fortunate that I can simply start running regularly and my metabolism kicks into high gear, my eating habits get super-clean, and weight drops off me.
I did it at 23, dropping more than 175lbs, then at 34 dropped about 50lbs, then 50 again at 41 right after my thyroid died … and again in 2012, eventually losing >100lbs and becoming a marathoner.
And yet today was a rest day for me (and 50F out, poor planning!), and I practically had to force myself to eat a full and healthy breakfast. Because, of course, if I am not burning 1000-1500 calories out on my morning run, why should I eat a proper breakfast, amiright?
That destructive self-talk can really do a number on us – it pushes us to make choices that in hindsight (or if we see someone else doing it) seem silly.
How this applies to you and why I said I was not surprised:
– You don’t seem to do things in small measures – so when you were doing an extreme mileage ramp (ramping right into injury as it turned out), you also always talked about poor eating habits.
– You also made it clear how badly the job loss and stress of lost income was impacting you. When you are in that position (as I mentioned I had found myself when the economy tanked), it can really get at your self worth.
– Combine those with other stuff mentioned and hashtags on Instagram back then, and … well, not surprised that you were doing caloric restriction along with exercise.
This past year and a half I have taken two mantras into my heart:
– Eat food, not too much, mostly plants.
– Food is fuel
And by doing my best to live by those, I have achieved incredible things for myself.
I always say that I am the lightest and in the best shape of my life. I cannot remember when I fit in clothes sizes that we just had to get me (chances are it was in the Carter presidency and I wasn’t in high school yet). But a big part of this is that I am actually eating MORE than during any of my prior weight loss periods – but I am eating much smarter.
I will always struggle with poor body image, always struggle with feeling good in my body, and always have an unhealthy relationship with food.
And that last sentence is one of the gifts I have given myself. Because every other time I blamed weight loss on something – travel, stress, two kids under two, thyroid failure. But the reality is that I have life-long issues I am dealing with. And while I have no idea what the future holds for you, it is something to be aware of.
Sorry for the rambling – it is out of caring and concern and hope for you 🙂
Thank you Michael! Love this every part of it!
It is true that it will always be with you and there are some days where I have to sit there and say “EAT!” I too was running 1000-1500 calories a day and I got to be a calorie counting fool. Then I would go so hungry and binge on the worst foods possible.
I agree that now I am eating more than I did when I was trying to lose the weight (which I really didn’t NEED To in the first place) and I feel so much better! I agree it is all about eating the right things and what is good for your body! Food is fuel and it is what is important for your body! I just know if I don’t get myself out of this vicious cycle now it will be even harder as it continues. Plus I don’t want my kids one day to see me struggle so much because I want them to have a healthy relationship with food!
I am still a work in progress but I have really focused the past month and it is amazing the changes I am already seeing in myself!
Thank you for sharing your story too 🙂 It is really amazing!
Hi Sara, Michael and Megan,
These posts & subsequent conversations are really helpful, as I have gone through similar struggles. I appreciate your honesty – thank you:)
Megan/Michael, would it be possible to get links to the posts that you wrote and referenced in the above comments?
Erin:
Thanks for the kind words! I totally agree with you – Sara sharing, and all of the really cool people who comment here make for some awesome discussions that make it easier to tell stories to ‘the community’.
Here are a couple of links … I always feel odd about linking to my blog on someone else’s, but Sara is super-cool 🙂
http://txa1265.wordpress.com/2013/11/05/my-running-story-in-the-beginning/
http://txa1265.wordpress.com/2013/11/11/the-reality-of-extreme-weight-loss/
You are always free to post your blog links on here 🙂
Michael, I just have to say that you are an inspiration to anyone who has struggled with food in any way (and there are a lot of us!). Your ability to recognize when you’re slipping into disordered behavior (and to realize that, unfortunately, it will always be with you in some small way) is something that we can all aspire to! Unfortunately, I think you’re right – while I consider myself “recovered,” “healthy,” and “balanced,” previous struggles don’t just go away – it’s a lifelong process.
On the breakfast thing – I totally hear you, and often think this way for a second, but if I’m really honest with myself, I’m often MORE hungry on my rest days. I just have to trust that my body knows what it’s doing and needs fuel to recover!
this is incredibly brave of you. You never know who is reading your post and who this can help. Keep everyone updated with progress! I’m so happy you’re happy!!
Thank you 🙂 That is really the only reason I wanted to share was because you never know who is reading! I want to help anyone going through the same thing even if just by making them realize it!
How brave and courageous of you to be honest with us, but also with yourself and your husband! My blog offers lots of hope and support if you’d like : )
Thank you Jenn! I will for sure check it out!!
Keep us updated on your progress. YOU are inspiring others to come clean about their habits and make change.
Thank you so much Jenn!! That means a lot! 🙂
I think the hardest thing is to be honest, not just with yourself but with your significant other too. Kudos to you for being open. You have to feel very loved to have a husband that not only sees what is going on but loves you so much to help you get through it as tough as it maybe. I like the aspect of blogs that when you are down, the community comes out to try and help you out, so I think the confession will help you even more!
Yes honesty sometimes is the hardest thing! It can also be the most rewarding and freeing thing ever. I am learning so much this year, it has not been easy but I am going to come out so much better from it! I can already see so many awesome changes!
I appreciate you sharing your story. I’m sure your story will inspire someone to be healthier and make better choices for their health, so kudos to you. Also kudos to your hubby for loving you enough to make sure you okay and to bring up the tough question(s)! Glad to hear you are on the right track and I hope your injury subsides sooner, rather than later!
Thank you 🙂
Oh my gosh, Sara, thank you for sharing your story. This is the exact mirror of my life right now. I get up and have coffee, do 2-2.5 hours of cardio, starve myself until dinner and find ways to “stay busy” so I don’t think about food, and then eat a big bowl of vegetables with zero calorie fake noodle crap for dinner. Then I wonder why I want to shove everything in my face at night, just to wake up and start the vicious cycle again. I vacillate from having days where I refuse to count calories eaten and calories burned in an effort to “break free” and days where I reinstate my My Fitness Pal account for the 134th time because I feel out of control when I don’t track. I’ve been in this cycle for three years now, with no menstrual cycle, multiple stress fractures in my pelvis from running, and now fighting another possible stress fracture in my femoral head. You are so brave and so courageous to tell your story! Thank you for being such an inspiration. You are doing the absolute best thing you can to get healthy now–especially for having children in the near future. I have 6 year old twins and feel so blessed that I had them before I fell into this horrible ED. My goal is to get my body fat up again to get my hormones back to where they need to be in case we decide to have any more kids in the future.
All I can say is that you are an inspiration! I love your blog, and love your honesty! Keep on rocking it! Thank you again!
Ashley!!! I feel for you! Thank you so much for your honesty! I know how much of a struggle it can be going through this! Just know that you are NOT alone! If you ever want someone to talk to I am here for you! It is a hard habit to break, but you have already made the first step in admitting it and that is important! You are aware that what you are doing is unhealthy for you and that is important! You have a precious family and I know they all must be so proud of you!
Good luck to you and your recovery and like I said feel free to email me anytime if you want to talk! I know what you are going through!
Sara, this is an incredible post. We all have our struggles and something I admire so much about bloggers is the “suck it up and post it” kind of thinking. There is no doubt you will help someone stay or get back onto the healthy track again. I’m so so so happy you’re now happy and proud of YOU!
Thank you Emily! 🙂 I really appreciate it! It is true we all have struggles and sometimes honesty is the best policy! I know I will come out better and stronger from this – I can already see such a change!
Absolutely! You are already stronger! You go girl!!
You are beautiful just the way you are! Don’t forget that! Thank you for sharing your struggles and I hope you continue healthier habits!
Aww you are so sweet Laura! Thank you!
HUGE hugs to you girl!! you are definitely not alone! I am so grateful for your honesty and vulnerability!
I am so happy for you that you are making good decisions and focusing on health! it is sooo worth it in the long run- pun intended!
xoxo
Thank you Elizabeth 🙂 I am getting there! One step at a time and I already feel so much better! There is so much more to life and it’s time to treat myself well and enjoy it!
I appreciate your honesty, as I also suffer from periods of very unhealthy relationships with food. It is amazing how what you eat affects so much of your life. Not only do I run better when I eat healthy, I also sleep better, my skin looks healthier, and my cognitive abilities are better. Thanks for sharing.
It is true how much fueling your body and eating properly does for you! I am still a work in progress but I can already see such amazing differences!!
self-realization and wanting to change is the most important step. no one else can do it for you. wishing you healing and happier days with your food and exercise relationships. much love.
Thank you Jen! Your blog has definitely helped in many ways! 🙂
I too went through a time in my life where my eating was messed up. I’d limit myself to a crazy restriction and be so angry with myself if I went over. But when I just started embracing clean eating and stopped calorie counting, my body was happier and I actually lost a few pounds. Thanks for being honest. I’m sure it felt good just putting this out there to move forward. Happy new year!!!
I’m sorry that you have experienced the same thing! It is a crazy journey but I have learned so much! I am looking forward to focusing on keeping my body healthy and at it’s best in 2014!
It is funny how easy it is to look back and realize what you were doing, but at the time there seemed no other way. For a long time my general pattern was to restrict at breakfast and lunch in order to have a nice big dinner with my family. But what happened over time was that by Friday I would be really hungry and if I had ‘been good’ with exercise I would reward myself … and generally in an unhealthy way. Friday would creep to Thursday, and so on …
The obvious answer was there all along – normalized eating and using my family as a ‘reality check’. 2013 is the first year I can say that I ate fairly healthy all year long … but it was still very stressful and the fear of being fat never left me for a second.
Thanks for sharing your story! There have been stages in my life when I have struggled to eat like I should because I made everything else a priority over my own health. Having kids has definitely made a difference for me because it is important for me to be healthy for them.
Sara, thank you for sharing your story. I know how hard it can be to talk about things that feel so personal, but many of us can relate and it helps to talk about it. I went through an incredibly tough time emotionally when I was on bed rest and pregnant with my son. Both of our lives were at risk and I turned to food for comfort as a way to deal with those scary and awful feelings. It took some time to really be honest with myself, find balance, and fix what was wrong with my eating. I’m definitely not perfect but I try very hard to stay on track.