I’ve had a lot of thoughts running through my head over the past weekend. I think because I don’t feel like I am truly being ME on this blog. Don’t get me wrong, all of this is me but I feel like it is missing something.
I have a lot of thoughts that I don’t share. I don’t want to be that way.
I want to be more open, more honest, and really let you see a bit more of who I am – the good and the bad. Even if it means not being that “happy go lucky” person all the time. I hope I am making sense this is one of those posts I am writing completely from heart.
I’ve always struggled with one thing. One little word that has always haunted my way of thinking, working, feeling, acting – everything. It’s always caused troubles in my marriage and friendships. That word is confidence.
I think a lot of young females, especially teenagers, struggle with confidence at some point but I think a lot of my struggles never went away. They day I met my husband almost 9 years ago he could see my struggles already. He’s tried without fail to do everything he can to help me.
A spouse or significant other can only do so much for your confidence. YOU are the only one who is control of how you feel and present yourself. YOU are in control of your life wether you take it or not.
There are things in life that are hard. You have two choices: you can pick yourself up and move on or you can let it beat you down. I have allowed too many circumstances in my life to beat me down and get the best me. I have let it control me in too many ways.
I used to think when I was working in my previous job that I had a lot of confidence because I was good at what I did, but looking at it now the real reason was because I was in my “safe zone.” I knew my job and I could get it done. I could deal with whatever anyone threw at me because I knew I had the knowledge to tackle it. Now that things have changed I am in an “unknown” zone and I have lost a lot of what I thought used to define me.
Guess what? My job didn’t define me. That didn’t have anything to do with who I was.
I have lost me. I have said it a million times but my first and most important role is a wife, however, I still have to have a meaning in myself. I still have to have the confidence to get up and make something out of this life. No matter what our circumstances even the smallest step forward is a step in the right direction.
Struggle is what defines us. It is what brings out the best and worst in us, but it is how you respond to those times of struggle that real give you the confidence to keep moving forward.
To be honest, I got stagnate. I let my situation get the best of me and I got lost. I lost ME. My husband has always encouraged me to do whatever I want to, and while I am still working to figure out what that is right now my goal is to keep moving forward, keep pushing, and keep supporting.
I know this post and my thoughts may seem very disjointed and just a bunch of rambling, but writing about how I truly feel is therapeutic for me. It helps me make sense of all this craziness that seems to run through my head sometimes.
Today I am making the choice to end this ongoing negativity and battle once in for all. Am I going to wake up tomorrow and be suddenly confident? No. However, I am going to begin making the small changes in my life to make something of myself.
I am going to step out of my comfort zone.
I am going to focus on moving forward in my life each and every day.
I am going to hold my head up high and smile at those that pass me.
I am going to be proud of what I have accomplished and where I am.
I am going to stop negatively putting myself down, and cut the negative self talk.
I am going to focus on strengthening my marriage.
I am going to quit comparing myself to every other person I see as “successful.”
I will love me. Imperfections and all.
What are YOU going to do today to better yourself?
What does confidence mean to you?
Hi Sarah – Do you use an app to track your running and spinning workouts? I use Map My Run appbwhich works great outdoors but cannot pick up a GPS signal at the fitness center. It seems that your app in able to track your workouts just fine.
Hey Tom!
I used TrainingPeaks.com – it doesn’t track them for me I always go in and add them after I am done. It seems to be the cleanest and most well rounded tracking website I have been able to find! I have used MapMyRun in the past but not in quite a while.
I know I have said it before, but I think it is important. Your SECOND most important job & role is as a wife … your FIRST is ‘being Sara’. Being the best you that you can be – and everything you say is important in getting there. It may sound selfish, but focusing on you means that EVERYONE wins.
For me, confidence is ironic – it comes from humility. I have said I’m not very competitive, and I always know that there are people who are smarter, faster, and so on … but also that I am smarter and faster and so on than others. That removes the pressure of being ‘the best’ and instead just allows me to be the best me that I can be!
Agreed if I can’t take care of myself then I can’t take of my husband. I have to come first and I have to find purpose!
I never have the worries about being “the best” I just have always had trouble feeling worthy. I know it’s silly and I need to focus on the simple things that bring me joy and that bring others joy! I only have one life! 🙂
I too have struggled with confidence, like sooo many women I think. In high school it revolved around the fact that I was shy, in college I focused on getting skinny (because of course if I got skinnier my confidence would get better – of course not the truth), but now I just focus on liking me and being comfortable in my own skin. I am proud of me and I know I’m not perfect, but I try to give my best each day and be thankful for what I have. I think allowing myself to make mistakes and know that I’m trying my best makes me more confident.
I really like that – I too am working to being comfortable in my own skin. I only get one me, one body, one mind – so I need to treat it well and love it! I love your outlook Em 🙂
This really resonates with me and I appreciate your honesty! I have taken a break from blogging as well because I didn’t feel like I was being my true self either and it was uncomfortable. I’m so glad to see that you have the CONFIDENCE to show your true self!
It can be so hard to admit that you struggle with something when it seems like everyone walks around putting on this front that everything in their life is perfect. I struggle with confidence myself, and constantly feel like I’m not good enough, not doing enough, etc and it really wears on you. But I recently came across a quote on interest (seriously, I don’t know where I would be without the inspirational quotes on there!)…”Be gentle with yourself, you’re doing the best you can.” That’s become my mantra lately and it seems to help me to shake off the negative, self-defeatest talk that runs through my head.
Stay strong girly 🙂
I really love that quote as well and it is so true! I will have to remind myself of that 🙂 Thank you so much!
Keep smiling friend. Confidence can come by just doing that. Believing in your happiness and you
I completely agree! 🙂 I am learning this more and more. Thank you!
Hi Sara! I just found your blog last week when I got a diagnosis of a femoral neck stress fracture…I haven’t gotten caught up on all of your recovery posts, but I have appreciated what I’ve read so far. It takes a strong, confident person to share the downsides in life and I really appreciate you letting us be a part of your journey. Thank you!
Awww I’m so sorry Yvette! I know how hard it can be right after getting that diagnosis. Stay strong and if you need any advice or just want to talk to someone please feel free to contact me! saralovingontherun at gmail dot com.
Thanks! I may take you up on that!
Anytime 🙂
Great post, Sara, even though I’m reading it a few days late! I’m sorry you feel like you’re not being truly you, and that you struggle with your confidence. I know all too well what you mean about your job taking over who YOU were. I have absolutely been there, as you know! I hope that by recognizing this and working to overcome it, you start to realize what an amazing person you really are 🙂