I decided to take a break from the running related posts today and bring you a new topic for my “Five” Things Friday post.
As our medical school journey comes to an end I’ve been doing a lot of reminiscing about what I have learned throughout this process. It has taught us so much, both good and bad.
So here are a few things I have learned from being the wife of a medical student: (these can be applied to any hard section of life).
Shit happens….learn to roll with it.
I wish I could make a list of all the “shit that has happened” since we moved here to start this journey. The thing about being married to someone in medical school is you really can’t let it get to you.
I have never had to learn to roll with the punches as much as I have during the last 4 years. I am not a “go with the flow” type of person so this took A LOT of getting used to.
You have to be able to except the best but plan for the worst in pretty much every situation. I never thought I could live like that but as the years have gone on I have found it really helped me get through it.
Sometimes you take the back seat.
I think when the medical school process started I really didn’t understand the full extent of how often you have to take a back seat. I don’t mean that he didn’t pay attention to me or neglected me but there were many times throughout the process that I had to step back and let other things come first.
Medical school can suck the life out of you and if you don’t have a good support system behind you it is even worse. Sometimes the best way that I could support him through the process was by stepping back and letting him focus on what he needed to.
The biggest time I remember doing this was when he first started studying for his board exams. Between classes and normal tests in medical school, board studying and trying to get some running in to stay sane there were days where I would see him and hour or less a day. Often times the first time I would see him was when he would get home and come to bed. It was hard. It sucked. I had to realize and remember the importance of what he was studying for and remind myself that right now he has to come first.
Thankfully my husband has always been great about making time for me, and once his board exam was over he found ways to make me feel appreciated and thank me for hanging in there with him.
Don’t do it for the money.
If I would have heard one more person tell me while I was working: “Oh don’t worry your husband will be a doctor and you won’t ever have to work again” I would have screamed.
Never ever say that to someone who is married or with something during medical school.
The reasoning:
1. For the first 4 years he makes no money and we are making it through by the skin of our teeth.
2. He will make money in residency but he also will start to pay back the close to $200,000 debt we have accrued.
3. Who says I don’t WANT to work!? I don’t have any plans on staying home and not working no matter how much money my husband makes or when he makes it.
The bottom line is it’s not as glamorous as it sounds to some and the comments can be frustrating.
Your friends and family won’t understand.
This was one of the biggest shocks to me. I had friends and family who even though they tried to help and understand they just didn’t.
They could never understand why our schedule was so up in the air, why sometimes I just didn’t want to talk about it, or why I could never commit to us being anywhere.
People think that medical school is very regimented but often times (or at least in the school that my husband attends) we wouldn’t find out his schedule until a week or two before and I know this was frustrating for our family and friends when planning holidays or trips to visit.
I remember having family visit us and even though they tried to be understand I knew it was hard to grasp why Wes could never really be there to visit – he was always in the library having to study.
Agree even when he’s wrong (within reason).
OK before I get hate comments let me explain what I mean.
There are times in medical school when my husband would be studying for a big test, have a big practical exam or have too much on him at one time and I knew he was struggling. Sometimes he would snap at me, pick fights that really weren’t there, or say things that bothered me without thinking.
I had to learn to let it go. I often would agree with him EVEN when I knew he was wrong.
It didn’t mean that I let him say whatever he wanted, but you have to pick your battles and realize that an argument ends up getting you both distracted, takes up valuable time and really puts a wrench in an already very busy and tiring schedule.
He will hate his life at times, but he won’t hate YOU.
This probably sounds crazy but it took me a while to get it.
There were days where Wes would get home from school or studying for hours on end and he was in a bad mood. He would truly seem like he hated everything in the world and that nothing made him happy.
It took me several times to realize that he would have moments that he did seem to hate his life but it didn’t mean he hated me.
As the spouse of anyone we often have things taken out on us that aren’t our fault. You are the one who is always there when they get home and when the day ends. Good and bad you are going to hear it all. It doesn’t mean it’s your fault it just means you are the only one they can really “vent” too.
In summary, don’t take things too personally.
It doesn’t last forever.
This is my favorite.
It doesn’t last forever. It does end.
As this first part of our journey comes to an end I can think back and remember times I never thought it would. I remember moments breaking down and crying and hating medical school. I hated that he was doing it and I wanted for us to just pack up and leave.
It’s hard and it’s frustrating and it takes one heck of a toll on a relationship, but if you can stay strong and come out on the other side you will be a better couple because of it.
The funny thing is we are about to start it all again. Some say residency is a lot like medical school for the first couple years, and some days that scares me. I just keep reminding myself we did it once and we can do it again. It doesn’t last forever.
I really love when other people beginning this journey reach out to me. I love being able to tell them the good and the bad of what to expect. I don’t want anyone going into it thinking it is going to be so awesome.
One final thing I will warn others about saying to someone going or getting ready to go through medical school:
“I’ve heard of so many people getting divorced in medical school” (or now I’m hearing it about residency).
“Medical school (residency) is so brutal on a marriage.”
Why do people say these things!? Guess what: of course it’s hard, it sucks, it can be brutal, but we got through it and so can you! Don’t let others bring you down before you start.
We came, we saw, we conquered… now we start planning for the next phase. Life is one crazy ride!
What have you learned about your spouse/significant other in hard times?
What are your plans for the weekend?
what a great post! thank you for your honesty in writing it. i’m not married and not in medical school, but my boyfriend and i are both in pharmacy school. outwardly, we are completely different people though– i’m the friendly, knows-everyone, love-to-get-involved, study-days-in-advance type whereas he is the introverted, not-really-a-big-supporter-of-pharmacy, realistic-borderline-pessimistic type. it’s not always easy to deal with such a strong personality that’s so different from mine, but it’s also taught me a lot about love and people. i’m sure lots of people don’t understand why we’re together, but that’s love isn’t it? sometimes you do things that just don’t make any logical sense.
In a lot of ways my husband and I are exactly the same way. Opposites attract and sometimes work so much better!
Good luck to you both in pharmacy school!
I am going to dental school soon, which is as rigorous as med school. It’s great that your husband has such a supportive and understanding wife as he goes through the ordeal of med school.
Good luck in dental school! That is rigorous! You will do great. Thank you but I haven’t been near perfect. Just glad one leg of this journey is almost over 🙂
Thanks for posting another honest post! I love when you just lay it all out there! Life and relationships are not perfect, and I really appreciate that you share with us the highs and the lows of your life. My husband is a Wildland Firefighter in the summer and we spend the entire summer apart. He moves about 6 hours away and I try and visit when I can – people ask all the time why I ever signed up for that? I always tell them I didn’t “sign” up for anything – it’s something he loves to do and hopes to do year round when he graduates from college. I support his dreams and will continue to support his dreams because like medical school this will not last forever! 🙂
Wow that is so amazing that your husband does that Ally! I love how you put it – we each support each others dreams and that is SO important! That has to be tough being apart for an entire summer, you are an amazing wife!
Hi Ally, I don’t hear much about other wildland firefighters on the blogs I read so I was interested in your comment! I’m a female wildland firefighter and this has been my career for many, many years. Hang in there…it is hard on the spouses as well as on us! That’s great you are so supportive.
Wow Lynn!! That’s amazing! Thanks for all you do – and stay safe!
Check out my blog if you want! http://accidental-firefly.blogspot.com/
I admire you for sticking through it and being so strong! And no hate comments here – I completely agree with picking your battles and letting a few things slide when you need to! <3
Thanks Megan 🙂
I wasn’t with my hubby when I went through my schooling, but when we first got together he would always mention things that he didn’t want me to work or that I didn’t have to work as much but I’m like I didn’t just go through 8 years of school so that I could sit on my butt, I want to use my skills and degree… I love to work and find that I’d be too much of an idle hand kind of person.
Haha I know the feeling! My husband has no problem with me working but others keep saying that to me and i’m like NO we would never be able to afford to live if I don’t work and I WANT to work!
It’s amazing that people just don’t understand that.
So honest, and (wife to a law student) I can really relate to some of these! Your husband is lucky to have you in his life. You sound amazingly supportive and if medicine is his passion, I’m sure it will be worth it for both of you in the end!
I am sure you do understand Erin! Thank you. We are both very blessed 🙂
My brother went through law school and I know that is no easy task either!
I love posts like this. The insider look into your life. Thank you for your honesty too but in a light way. Great post!
Thank you Kammie! 🙂
These are some very helpful and honest tips. My bf is not in medical school, but we have certainly gone through some very trying times with his job, so I can relate to some degree to a few of these bullet points and will probably think back to this advice the next time it happens. Thank you for being so honest!
Thanks Lisa! Yes, these really can be applied to anyone! Every relationship goes through ups and downs. Thank YOU for reading 🙂
My husband is in his first year as an attending trauma surgeon so I can relate to your situation. While it’s certainly necessary to support your spouse, I think it’s equally important to have interests/goals of your own. I’ve made many sacrifices for my husband to achieve his dream but I couldn’t/can’t let my whole world revolve on it. I’m not implying that you do this, just that you don’t talk about that aspect very often.
Thanks Clare! Great perspective. I am already a bit nervous about residency – glad to see someone who has been through it!
Yes I completely agree! That’s why I always get frustrated when people tell me “you won’t need to work” – I always will need to work at least for a long time, but I WANT to work! I WANT to do something for me. I enjoy working and staying busy and doing something I enjoy each and everyday. Even though I have this small little blog – I do it because I enjoy it – it is a passion of mine. Oh, and of course running! 🙂 I think it is very important that we all do something for US because at the end of the day you need to take care of yourself first!
Residency is tough but with work restrictions enforced it’s manageable. I hope you find a fulfilling career in your next location because having a job I loved really helped. And make friends with the other wives (or husbands). They know exactly what you are going thru. There is light at the end of the tunnel. But these student loans are no joke!
Yes I just remind myself it’s only temporary! I really am hoping to find a great job. That’s what made medical school so much harder I think was because I was in a job I really didn’t like. I was just trying to get us through.
I hope to begin the job hunt at the end of this month as we get closer and I am really looking forward to it because in some ways it is like a new and fresh start!
I don’t even like thinking about those student loans….UGH! 🙂
I needed to read this today. Hubs is 2 weeks from taking the Step 1 and I am a few weeks from popping out some kids and things are just nuts over here. Also, your comment about strangers/coworkers/family saying “don’t worry. you’re going to be married to a doctor” is the quickest way to get me to snap. I can’t stand it when people say that!! They really have no clue!
Step 1 and TWINS – NOW that is crazy. You must be super woman!
I know I HATE that comment people really have NO idea what goes into it and how much work it takes. Plus it completely makes the wife feel like she isn’t important. People just don’t understand what they are saying sometimes.
My bf is an MD, and I nodded my head with all of these thinking about the past 1.5 years of residency! Tough, but we’re beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel…kinda…!
Oh I am already looking forward to the joys of residency 🙂
I gotta say, the outpatient/research months are great, so just appreciate those months when you get them and remind yourself of those months when you’re in the middle of inpatient 🙂
BTW, thanks for always responding to comments, you’re one of only a couple of bloggers that I read that ever respond. I definitely don’t expect bloggers to respond to every comment, but it’s really nice to feel like you care what your readers have to say!
Good to know 🙂 I will start figuring out when those are and looking forward to them!
Aww thank you Emily you are sweet! I LOVE to read every single comment and really do care what my readers have to say – positive and negative 🙂
This post is like an answer to my prayers. My fiance is finishing up his first year of medical school, and we’re getting married this year in May. We moved to a new city and left all of our friends and family behind. I’ve basically had to start my life all over again with work and trying to find friends/where to fit in. So far it’s been really tough. I’m in the middle of dealing with being patient to wait for “me time” and definitely with choosing battles. In the moment it’s definitely hard to put it in perspective when I feel completely alone and like my needs are being ignored and dismissed as unimportant. It’s reassuring that I’m not the only one out there!
Sara-
You dont know how much this post meant to me. My soon to be fiance (yes i know he has the ring 🙂 just started medical school yesterday. I went to the new family orientation and drove home crying. Honestly it scared the shit out of me. My mother is a doctor so I kind of knew what to expect but obviously this is new ground for me. I just know I need to be his support system, and at the same time I am scared because i dont know what to expect. Matt has made me a priority for the last 5 years and i know he will continue to do so. I love him so much and i know we will get through this. Your posting made me feel at ease and now i somewhat feel prepared. Thank you.
Kristie! Thanks for stopping by 🙂 Trust me, I completely understand your fear! It is such a hard time! I remember when it all started I had no idea what I was walking into. Like you, my fiance (now husband) was awesome at always making time for me and I really think that always made the difference. I promise you will get through it! Sometimes it is hard and feels like it will never end, but it does! At the end you will look back and see how strong it made the two of you. If you ever need ANYTHING feel free to shoot me an email! I know exactly what you are going through. My email is saralovingontherun{at}gmail{dot}com.
Hi Sara – this post has really helped me understand and come to terms that I’m not being neglected or ignored. My situation is a little different because I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years (who is only now on his 1st year of med school) so it is very frustrating not only being far away for so many years already but now not being able to skype or travel as much as we used to. I want to believe that after his first board exam we will be living in the same city because I feel these feelings would be easier to cope with if at least I got to see him at night instead of every other month. Still, I think everything you said was what I needed to hear to try and be more understanding and not think I am just being forgotten.
Hi Sara,
I found your post so relatable!
I got married to my husband in Jan. 2014 and moved to NJ from Chicago — a very big change for me with leaving all my family and friends behind — homesickness, unfortunately, has become second nature for me. My husband is just finishing his first semester of med school and I nodded at all the points you made, even this early in our journey. I’m also a full-time MBA student and both my husband and I and my father-in-law take care of my hubby’s mentally-disabled mother — life is just stressful. There are so many days where I honestly don’t know how I’ll make it the next 3.5 years of just med school… the only thought that keeps me going on those days is my hubby’s promise to find a residency in Chicago (fingers and everything crossed like nothing else)! You really do have to take it one day at a time and realize that although you do come first in his life, you selflessly have to allow med school to come first. It is hard talking to family and friends most of the time too, you don’t want to paint this dreary picture because it is not all bad — my husband is not this evil-selfish man putting me through this, he is instead a very loving and understanding man, who I know appreciates every little thing I do for him and his family. My heart is so full right now with my life’s ups and downs that I could prob write my own blog! lol… Reading post like yours make me think positively, that there is in fact a light at the at of the tunnel, just have to hold on tight for the ride. Thank you!
Awww! I am glad that you were able to relate. I do promise there IS light at the end of the tunnel! It’s hard to see sometimes but it is here! I know how hard it can be being far away from family and the only person you know is swamped with school! I hope he is able to get back closer to Chicago for you! Keep me posted and if you ever need someone to talk to feel FREE To email me! Saralovingontherun{at}gmail{dot}com!
Hey Sara,
Thanks a lot! Was a very useful post! My boyfriend (for two years) is entering med school next year and I’ve been getting a lotta negativity from our friends and other peeps we know. Although I’m confident that we are going to give our fullest in trying to get through this together, I do sometimes get a little worked up thinking of the future. I guess taking it day by day helps! Thanks again for your tips.
Amen! Why do people tell us how hard it’s going to be on marriage. It’s not that we want to ignore the challenges that will inevitably come, but for goodness sake, that doesn’t mean we’re headed for divorce. At that end of the process, our choices still determine our relationship.
Thank you so much for this post! My new husband (we got married in December) has just started Med school, we have had to move countries for this and I have been feeling a bit lost the last few weeks with trying to get my bearings and find a job while he’s already busy with school. Your post helps to put things in perspective, I feel like I should copy this into my diary to remind me of these points when I have bad days!
Gillian I am so glad you could relate! I know it can seem hard at some times, but take hope in that I know exactly how you feel! If you ever need to talk, feel free to shoot me an email! saralovingontherun{at}gmail{dot}com!
You were basically reading my mind throughout this entire post! My husband is a third year student and gearing up to leave for away rotations this summer. So much stress and excitement all at one time. I agree with the woman above me, I am going to need to read this post again and again. I have thought so many times “I wonder if other people experience this” and it really helped reading your perspective. Thanks SO much!!
Thank you for this! My father is a doctor and my husband just started considering med school. I know what a sacrifice it was for my mom and that it would be for me as well. I appreciate your encouragement to other couples that it is possible and hopefully worth all the hard work and debt.
This really gives me comfort for the things coming soon in my life. My fiance has already taken basics and is now entering the nursing program. And we also have a 2 year old daughter…this really gave me hope. Thank you so much!
Good luck! It is tough road, but you will get through it! You’ve got this!! 🙂
You have no idea how happy I am to have found this piece! My husband is prepping for his Step one exam in June and I have felt both his stress and mine lately. I’m a nurse working night shift in cardiovascular ICU and this compounds both of our stresses. Thank you so much for the moment of sanity I had reading your piece.
Oh my! You are a saint working the night shift! That has got to make it even more stressful. Hang in there! I remember the Step One period and it is no fun for either party! If you ever need to talk feel free to email me at saralovingontherun{at}gmail{dot}com!
Dear Ally, thanks for that post of encouragement. My med student boyfriend and I started dating LDR in his first year of medical school. I’m a PhD student and we are both in our final years now. He’s 3 months away from his final exams and he’s been getting very distant and stressed lately. He’s here for me when I’m stressed out with my thesis, but at other times, he’s really zoned out and I get the sense that he isn’t present with me. This has been going on for the last two weeks and I’ve been trying to cope and adapt. I do care for him a great deal and i know it must be stressful for him. I’ve tried my best to be supportive but he sometimes I fail and begin doubting his love for me because he is less affectionate. Did you have times in your relationship where this happened? How did you cope with it? If I realise it’s too much for me, what do you advice?
I wish I could say I am as positive as you all. It’s been 3 years in med school for him. We have lived apart for most of it, he always has to be right, no matter what. I have given up my professional career, my personal life and moved in with my parent to send him the money he needs (42k a year). My 30’s have been wasted and now that he is getting close to being done everything is falling apart. If I would have known how much I was going to have to lose and that it didn’t matter I would have never agreed to it. If we split he gets a great medical career and I end up with nothing. I am pleased that so many have been able to work through it but, it has destroyed my 12 year marriage
Hey Sara, Thank you for the advice! My boyfriend (of 7 years, we are both 24) is about to start pharmacy school, and it didn’t occur to me until after I graduated with my biomedical engineering degree that I was going to have to switch roles with him! He is such a chill person and was always there to support me as I went through all the stress of my major (I also had serious health problems at the time). I know that we can get through hard times because of this, but since I just graduated I am not even employed yet so it is scary to think that he will be busy all of the time and meeting new people, while I am still trying to keep myself busy and find jobs. We purposefully looked for a place with good pharmacy schools and with lots of opportunities for BMEs, but I know that it takes time to find a real job. What did you do in your spare time when he was busy? Are there certain things that you would tell him to try to make him feel better when he was stressed? We are moving to a new city so I’m also trying to figure out good ways to make new friends. Did he have medical school friends that you guys hung out with? Probably too many questions but any advice is helpful! thanks and congrats on getting through that!
Hi Ashley! I am very blessed that my husband was a pretty chill person as well, though medical school didn’t come without its struggles! When Wes was busy I was usually working and running. Running really became my escape a lot through medical school but it also became much more of a passion. I don’t think there was anything particular I would tell I just always tried to do things to help him out and anytime he got I made sure we could spend it together! I just tried to be patient and help him in any way I could. We had a few medical school friends but we had more running friends, which enabled him to get a break from medical school as well when he had the chance. I would recommend getting involved in something though that can help you meet people. We moved to a new city as well and that was hard, but I think in the end it brought us much closer! Good luck and don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any other questions – saralovingontherun{at}gmail{dot}com!
Thank you thank you for writing this post! My husband and I just got done with the third year of medical school and boy was it brutal. I can agree with all of the things you listed and feel very thankful that there are other people out there that can relate. I would love to connect sometime!
Congrats on making it through your third year!! 🙂 You are on the home stretch now. If you ever want to chat, feel free to email me at saralovingontherun{at}gmail{dot}com!
“There were days where Wes would get home from school or studying for hours on end and he was in a bad mood. He would truly seem like he hated everything in the world and that nothing made him happy.”
Going through that now with my med student. Thanks for the encouragement!!
You will get through it! It’s tough, but in the end you will be stronger because of it 🙂 Let me know if you have any questions or just need someone to talk to!
Thanks for this. I really needed something to remind me that a) its worth it, and b) I’m not the only one going through this right now 🙂
You are most definitely NOT alone! If you ever need someone to talk to please shoot me an email!
I really appreciated this article. My husband is a 3rd year medical student, and I just graduated law school and took the bar exam. For a few years, we agonized over our studies together in comraddary. Now that I’m working and he’s still in school though, there has been a dramatic tidal wave in our otherwise calm sea of a relationship.
I try to be completely understanding of his awkward new hours. I head up cleaning the house, and preparing dinner, and general grocery shopping, even though I’m also trying to make my way in my own career in law. I’m the kind of person that naturally bottles up everything, and, because he knows me so well, he’ll dig that out of me even when I think I’m being calm. I don’t want to fight, but he is persistent and won’t let things drop until I tell him what’s wrong (which I try very hard to do in calm, neutral words). He then gets very defensive and says stuff like “you don’t know what it’s like…” and He’s right. I don’t know first-hand what it’s like. I chose law instead of medicine. What I DO know though is what it feels like to complete law school, take the bar exam, get a job, work, and come home to take care of the home and dinner and him. He doesn’t know what THAT is like…… But of course such words cannot be spoken.
I don’t know what to do about how randomly defensive he gets. I know it’s because he feels guilty… And I don’t want him to feel bad! But it makes me even more hesitant to be open with him than I already am, and I know that is not healthy for our relationship. I try to avoid critique….. Tonight’s flurry began with me simply sighing. I feel helpless, like my own needs are subpar to medical school. I get that it had to be that was most of the time, but I feel like it’s all the time for us. At least this article makes me feel like I’m not alone in this feeling.
Hi Michelle!
Oh, I completely understand your frustration! It’s amazing how the littlest things can turn into something much larger. Whether it’s studying, board exams, or just scheduling there seems to be always something going on!
I can’t imagine how hard it is with your demanding schedule as well! I always worked, but in banking so I had a pretty predictable schedule. I can remember very vividly hearing the same things “you don’t know what it’s like…” and it’s true, but it doesn’t really make anything better either. I really had never been in that position, but there was a reason for that and I still worked hard to help hold things together for us and help us take out as little debt as possible.
All I can say is, You are NOT alone! I know it feels like it but you aren’t! If you ever need to email me – feel free! saralovingontherun{at}gmail{dot}com – sometimes it just helps to have someone to talk to who has at least partly been there!
Hang in there!! You’ll get through it!
Hi Sara,
I really enjoyed reading your post, and I think I enjoyed it because you just tell it like it is.
I didn’t expect to find myself writing this message to you but your post was positive, more so than any other bits I have read on this subject. I also think its great that after a year and a half of posting you are still replying to comments left for you, showing how good a person you really are, never mind how good I think you are from reading your post.
I’m rambling.
I’ll get to it shall I?
My new girlfriend is only in week one of 1st year med school.
I love her. She loves me.
I am more sure than she is about us staying together.
She has had a little freakout already but I assured her that I am in this for the long term.
I am 31, she is 23. I am in no rush for all the “normal” expectations of life (kids, house etc).
We knew each other 2 years ago and only met again recently, before she was accepted to the course. I knew there was a possibility she would get in, she thought the chance was gone, and I told her not to give up on it.
I don’t want to digress too much personal info, as I feel it makes no difference, I just wanted to say thank you. Your post was the only thing I have read that came from first hand experience and that was positive despite any difficult times, a lot of other things I have read make it out to be HORRIBLE, and that I should run for the hills, even my girlfriend’s freak out was because she thinks I deserve to be happy and I deserve better, that she realised after her induction week that she really won’t have a life as she has known it or previously had while getting a degree at Uni before now. Your post has given me a peace of mind that what I feel in my heart is right, I would do anything for this girl, because I love her.
I’m not saying we won’t have hard times or that I won’t get lonely or upset, I just think that “Nothing In This World Worth Having Comes Easy”.
I think thats enough. Thank you for reading this if you get time to.
Peace and love to you and yours
xx
I’m going though the exact same thing with my husband and he just a first year. God help me. It’s really hard adjusting to his demanding schedule and even when he is home he always doing research or studying or talking to Shia study group. I began to feel ignored and kind of unappreciated for the things I do to keep home together and finances. Thank you for tell your story. I hope to be a ms strong as you were I have a long way to go.:(
His study group not Shia lol
I’m not exactly going through the same situation but I am going through something similar! Next year my boyfriend of over a year is starting medical school. I don’t know exactly where I will be but I do know we are going to be somewhat long distance. I’m nervous because I’ve never had to endure anything like this before and I’m worried what this will do to our relationship. We’re very serious about our relationship and are committed to staying together. I understand it’s going to be really hard. To be honest, your article has made me more nervous than relieved but I also appreciated the hope you mention. If a relationship is strong, it will last. You’re right, it does end, and hopefully what is on the other side is worth it. Thanks for your insightful post!
You’ll be o.k.! Just be patient with him. Nights of studying get long, tests are hard, and he might not have the time to talk to you you were hoping for. If he says he was busy studying: He’s probably telling the truth! It’s a time-consuming curriculum. There are plenty of classmates who have long distance relationships right now, and they seem to be doing ok! You’ve got this 🙂
Hey ladies I have a question for the group. A little about me: I’m 31 and have been dating my gf for the last year. She is also 31 and has a great job in a family business. I’m moving to LA, about an hour from her, this coming fall for a post-bac pre-med program. I joined the military after college, then became a medical device sales rep for surgical implants, and have finally pulled the trigger on going back to school and pursuing my dream of becoming a physician. We have plans on getting married, and would like to start a family in the next couple years (neither one of us are getting any younger) around the time medical school starts. Furthermore, she wants to stay at home with the baby when that time comes. I’ve tried to reassure her that we can make it work, and that families with odd situations figure out ways to tackle medical school more often than we think, but the lingering question is how. Do any of you know people who have been in this situation? Or does anyone have advice on how to financially make ends meet with one spouse in medical school, and the other a stay at home new mother? Is it even possible? And what can I tell her to reassure her that everything will be ok?
Thank you so much for your help.
Hi John! I apologize for the delay in responding. When my husband went through medical school I did work, BUT I knew many women who stayed at home with children while their husband was in school. It is definitely doable but you would probably just need to take out more loans in order to help. It is very scary going in, but if you go in with the mindset that you will make it through regardless! You take it one day at a time and deal with the issues as they arise. If you all want to start a family and her stay home, that is completely doable! Sure, you may have to take out some extra debt and live pretty frugally for a while but I’m sure you could make it work! If you have any other questions, feel free to email me at saralovingontherun{at}gmail{dot}com!
Hi John! One of my boyfriend’s classmates just had his first son, and LOTS of them have kids at home. It’s exactly as Sara said- more loans, but doable. There are usually support groups for the significant others of the students, so finding babysitters and help won’t be too bad 🙂