If you haven’t already noticed from some of my previous posts, I do a lot of thinking while I am running. It usually occurs more often on the easy runs than the workouts. There is no better time to do a lot of thinking then when you are out on the open roads by yourself.
Yesterday I had a 6 mile moderate effort run on the schedule. I was a little thrown back by not having an easy run this week, but I figured with the heat I would go off how my body felt. I would start the first half relatively easy (at least that was the plan) and then after the hills were done (about halfway through) I would try to pick up the pace slightly.
I ended with an average pace of 8:54 which I am pretty happy with for a moderate pace.
I came home and promptly made my refreshing go to recovery drink of water, Nuun, glutamine and lots of ice! It tasted so good after being out in the heat.
While I was running I started thinking about the desire for us to have things the way we want them now.
Ever since I lost my job I have been in a never ending battle with myself to find my career. I think as I see my husband getting closer to his career it makes me feel a little lost that I haven’t found my passion.
Sure, I am proud of myself for holding it together these last 7 months. I am proud that I found several streams of part time income to get us from point A to point B but it has been a constant struggle.
I put a lot of pressure on myself to find my career and find it now. The same thing happened when we found out where we would be moving and I started job hunting. I have a lot more connections where we are going, but job hunting is never a simple task. The problem lies in that I’m not sure what I want to do.
I’ve always been in the position where work and my career was a means to an end. My job was a way of keeping food on the table, the rent paid and a little cushion to enjoy a few things. I took jobs that I didn’t really enjoy because they provided our family with a paycheck.
Now as we embark on the next adventure in our lives, I was so focused on finding the one job that would be my career. The one job that would complete me so to say. However, it hasn’t happened.
As I was running this morning I began to think about why we have to have everything perfect now?
Is it because the pressure of putting us in such a hole for the past 7 months is catching up to me?
Is it because I am comparing myself to others at my age who are already well established?
Is it simply because I want instant gratification?
I decided to let it go. Just like that. That doesn’t mean I am not going to continue on the job hunt, but I am going to be open to a job that may not end up being my career. I have to be open to exploring different areas and seeing where life take us.
I may be a bit behind than others at my age, but that’s okay. I have spent the last 4 years supporting the man I love more than anything towards his dreams. That may mean that I’m a bit behind, but that’s ok. I have played an important roll for us.
Now the possibilities are open. I am going to find the best job I can for now, and if that doesn’t end up being my final career that’s okay too. It’s about always moving forward. Always progression. It may not be perfection, but it’s progress.
Have you ever had to just let something go?
What is a dream you’ve been chasing after?.
I can relate. I’m a passionate person and when I become fixated on something, I become very focused and driven on making it happen NOW. I was like that early on with my masters degree in social work (which I now haven’t used in 5 years due to kids!), then with pregnancy and newborn baby rearing, then with running, now with running and paleo, etc. It’s actually how I work best.
However, there are some things that you can’t MAKE happen. There was a time when I tried very hard to “fit in” to my community in a way that wasn’t authentic because I was self conscious and thought I should. I had to let THAT go and focus on what’s in my heart. That’s how my blog really came about.
Great post. And I too am a big thinker when running!
Thank you Michele 🙂 That is so true. I need to remember what I can and can’t make happen. All I can do at this point is do the best I can and take things one day at a time!
Running is the best time to put things into perspective. My career started almost 7 years ago and I hated most aspects of it for the first 5 years. It’s the best it has ever been for the past 2 years, but I still have days, when forcing myself to get up and into work is a big challenge. So what changed to make the past 2 years better? Several things. 1)Only apply for jobs that fascinate me rather than meet the needs. 2)Ask really tough questions during the interview, even it if it means losing the position, to ensure an understanding of what the position will hold. 3)Go with it – after working 8-16 hours at most for about 5 months, I learned to economize, job hunt, but mostly trust that this hard time would pass and I would be stronger as a result. I am committed to my field, because I do feel it is important, but I would not be at all surprised if I switch areas in the future. I have established two criteria and, if I should meet them, I will begin immediately planning the career change.
You will find your dream job, Sara! It just takes time and, if you are like me, lots of detours and diversions. I admire you so much for taking a job that makes ends meet to support your husband’s career and I am sure he cannot thank you enough for being there for him.
Thank you! 🙂 That means a lot! I know it will come sometimes this job hunt thing is just so frustrating and for once I want to enjoy what I do to some extent. Sure, every job has its downfalls but I am determined to find something I can love!
Way to have a positive outlook! I wish you the best of luck in your job search and hope that you will eventually find a career that is right for you. Good things come to those who wait 🙂
Thank you!! Hopefully 🙂
So what is this ‘a bit behind’, anyway? Based on who? Based on what? Sounds to me like you are exactly where you should be! I saw something about ‘writing your own story’ – your narrative of your life is NOT based on what others are doing, what other people – including friends and family – are saying, or anything but where you are headed in life.
Sure the last seven months have been tough, but that was a bad situation, and you have done your best to deal with it – now you move, refocus, and figure out where you go next.
And as I said a few months ago, the job loss and other things have uniquely positioned you in some ways – like some trips with Wes and so on.
It is true. Feeling a bit behind is just another form of comparison and I don’t want to get into that again. That’s why I am trying to let it go. To work as hard as I can and something will come along! Sometimes it just takes a bit longer 🙂
Are you inside my head or something? I feel this way all the time and it’s something I have to coach myself through constantly. I have a great job that has great pay, benefits, colleagues, and is interesting. But it’s not my passion. Am I asking for too much? Maybe? I’ve been working toward a new career, though it’s not completely defined in my head, but I just want to be there already! I’m getting so impatient to not be there that I’m losing sight of what I have accomplished.
I was feeling kind of gross over the weekend (being bloated will do that to you) and my husband could see it written all over my face. When he asked me what was wrong, I sheepishly admitted that I felt fat. Instead of rolling his eyes or dismissing it like many people would do (myself included) he said, “It’s sad to me that you feel like that right now. All I want you to feel in this moment is relaxed.” And it was like, since he said it, I was able to give myself permission to feel relaxed. That was all I needed. I wondered why I couldn’t do that on my own and how often I was doing that to myself, whether I was bloated or just obsessively thinking about something. I can’t stand when people get in their own way, and yet I do it myself.
We will get there. We WILL get there. We just need to be a bit patient and feel like we’re making some progress every day, whether large or small. 🙂
That is so sweet of your husband to say!! I have had my husband say something very similar in the past. Sometimes we just have to take a deep breath and let ourselves relax and enjoy the moments. They all pass way too quickly!
WE WILL get there! I have faith 🙂
P.S. I also find my mind wandering in such directions when I’m running and when I’m showering–both times that are inconvient to write things down. 😉
I am with you on the career part! Even though I’m 99% happy with my field and like my job, I’m constantly being asked what position I would like next (I’m in a rotational program and get some input). Some days I just want to yell “I don’t know! I haven’t even been here a year!”
Sometimes I think I could solve all the world’s problems when running 🙂
My job required a 4-year degree and 3-years after the fact. I worked damn hard for my job. I had planned on making it my career. It took a lot of stress and anxiety for me to realize that I just do not have the drive or desire to work 12-14 hour days. At all. My job pays exceptionally well and for me? It’s just a job. It’s a way for me to pay my bills and not be broke and for now. That’s okay. I’d love to find a career, or at least something I’m passionate about, but maybe my passion doesn’t need to be my job. And that’s okay too.
I feel the same way all the time. I’m 28, in a Masters program I’m not sure I want to be in, at a job I like, but don’t love and I feel anxious all the time about not knowing what I want out of my career. I like your positive outlook on it, and know you are absolutely not alone!
What a great post. I hope you find a career that you are truly passionate about. Even though it may take awhile, like you said. Enjoy living in the moment. I think everyone feels like that at one point in their lives. Good job on your run. I like putting Nuun in my water too when it’s hot air. I think it does makes difference.
This is such an encouraging post! I’ve been struggling with this lately… We’re remodeling our house and, in the meantime, living in a 400 sq ft studio space. The remodel, which was originally only supposed to take about 9 months, has been an almost 3 year process. The contentment quote really hit home for me because I’ve been going through this whole process thinking, “Once we get our remodel finished, I’ll be happy/content/fine…” What I really need to do is find contentment NOW and stop waiting for the future to be happy.
Good luck in your job hunt! I hope you find something that you enjoy and that fulfills you!