I want to start this post by saying this is just me sharing my personal journey. I am not certified dietitian or doctor. I just simply am writing about my journey with an unhealthy relationship with food and how I have repaired it. If you have any questions about disordered eating please consult a doctor.
I was hesitant to really write another post about this, but I figured I owed you all an update. This blog will never be a “food” blog, in all honesty simply because it’s not my passion.
Sure, I love good food but my husband and I eat pretty plain and stick to simple meals. I hope that changes one day but with our budget and schedule we do what we can with what we have.
As you know about 6-7 months ago I came clean about an issue I had been having with disordered eating. It was a tough post for me to write because I really put myself out there.
I am grateful to have a very supportive and honest husband who is always looking out for the best in me. He pointed out where he saw issues and it allowed me to address them before they got to bad.
So where am I now?
The first month or so were really hard. While I knew I needed to make changes I was really lost and it was still very much a mental battle.
The thing that most people may not realize (or maybe they do) is that when you severely restrict your calories you really damage your metabolism. Your body is holding on to everything it is getting and it doesn’t really know how to process the food it is getting.
When I first set out to make changes and start eating properly again I gained weight. Nothing I was really concerned about but when you see the scale go up 8-10 lbs. sometimes it gets frustrating. As you all know now, I have ditched the scale all together. The thing about it was the weight was mostly water weight and my body didn’t know how to handle the influx of food I was giving it.
After the first 2-3 weeks of REALLY eating like I should my body began to adjust. It leveled back out and I finally was able to feel normal and not like a crazy bloated person.
It is tough at first and everything I was reading was saying it was completely normal. Everyone kept saying to stay strong and your body would adjust. Guess what!? It did!
The past several months have been a whirl wind with everything we have had going on, but I am happy to say I am finally at peace. Sure, I have my days where I get frustrated with myself due to eating like crap but I take a deep breath, pick myself back up and move right along.
Long story short, I am at a much better place in my life. I’ve cut out the binges of awful food, eat about 6 meals per day of good and wholesome foods (with a few treats thrown in here and there), and focus on feeding my body what it needs.
What did I do?
When I first made the decision to change I began tracking everything I ate. The focus of tracking what I was eating was not to track the calories but the amount of fat, carbohydrates, protein, and sugars I was getting. I noticed right away I was severely low on fat in my diet.
I also wanted to track WHEN I was eating it and how that was translating into running. I told myself I would only track it for 1 month. This also made me make sure I was getting enough calories. The trick is that the better you start eating the harder it is to get the number of calories you should in! I really had to eat A LOT.
I cut down on the processed sugars and focused on eating whole foods. My problem was the timing of when I ate. I made myself wake up early to get in breakfast before a run and eat throughout the day instead of saving all my food for the end of the day.
The first thing I began to notice was my mood (ask my husband!) I had less days where I felt in a funk and I was much more energized and excited to do things. I didn’t mope around instead I was focused and motivated.
I began listening to my body cues. I rarely feel hungry eating 6 meals a day but when I do I eat. I don’t question it, I don’t try and find a way around it, I listen to what my body is telling me.
How is my running?
I cannot tell you how much of a turn around fixing my eating habits has had on my running. My body feels stronger, I have more energy and I am excited to run.
I always love running but when you have no energy and are frustrated by your performance it begins to suck the fun out of it.
My workouts are going better than they ever have in the past, and while it was tough at first I have noticed an overall improvement in everything I do.
I am happy to be able to come back to you all and share my recovery process. Again, I will say I am incredibly lucky to have those around me that love me enough to recognize a problem as it begins before it goes too far.
It isn’t easy because it is more of a mental mindset than anything, but with the right support system and motivation I was able to break my bad habits!
Of course I am not perfect, but I can tell you that I finally have a healthy relationship with food! It doesn’t scare me, I eat more than I ever have, and I feel better than I ever have. I focus on the nutrients I am putting into my body and not the calories. I have never been able to say that before. It is freeing and has changed my life! Eat clean, eat whole foods, eat plants and lots and lots of it!
What is your favorite food to energize you?
Have you ever tracked your food intake?.
So glad to hear all this! I honestly don’t know if I’ve met a women who hasn’t struggled with disordered eating at some point. I certainly did through grad school and when I first started to lose weight. I am a few pounds heavier now then when I was at my lightest but SO MUCH happier and healthier!
Very too Erica! It is a hard habit to break because it is so mental in so many ways! It is so freeing though when you let it go and become happy with who you are! A few lbs heavier or not!
i agree. we all have our issues. I feared food for a long time when i got sick from a parasite. But we learn from it, we trust God, and we give it all we got to get better. Love you both!
Kudos to you and thank you for being honest on your journey. We are all here to support you, Sara! I am very proud of you. Ditching the scale is the very best thing no matter what your size. How you feel and how your workouts are going are the most important indicators! I have a degree in Nutrition so although I don’t track my intake, I basically know where I am each day because I know so much about food and calories and macros! I try to stay to 2,000 – 2,200 calories per day. Focusing on real, unprocessed food. I am actually trying to gain weight so am trying to stay on the higher side of this range.
Keep up the GREAT work.
You inspire us all to be our best.
Thank you Susan! That does mean so much to me. Yes, tracking my nutrition was important at first to make sure I was getting all I needed to but now I feel like I am much more knowledgeable at what I am putting in my body! It makes it so much easier.
It’s amazing how much this has changed my workouts and how much stronger I feel! I don’t track my calories anymore but that’s right around what I was putting in my body when I was tracking it. I’m excited to finally feel free!
Congrats on coming such a long way in recovering! I personally know how tough it is and it takes a lot of courage. I am so glad that you now have a healthy relationship with food. It’s such a freeing feeling, isn’t it? 🙂
I used to track my food intake, but it was an obsessive and unhealthy habit, so I never do that anymore.
It is an AMAZING feeling!
Yes, I stopped tracking my food intake I only did it for the first month to make sure I was getting enough of the essential things and that I was getting enough calories. Now I am much better at being aware at what I am putting in my body!
Good for you! Glad to hear you are in a good place. I can attest to the hard work and dedication it takes! I will randomly track my food, because I have noticed that every few weeks I start to slip. So I’ll eat breakfast one day, realize it’s been a while since I’ve tracked, and decide to track that day. It’s keeps me accountable and gets me back on track, in case I’ve been slipping. Isn’t seeing the improvement in your running just the best reinforcement??
Yes it is Annie! I have to say seeing such progress in my running and how great it feels is so rewarding! It is the best reinforcement! Sometimes tracking is good to make sure you are staying on track. Food journaling isn’t always fun but on the occasion it is nice to see where you stand.
Thanks for sharing an update! I cut my calories back like crazy back in college (wanted to get super skinny) but ironically came to find out (years later) that when I ate more (like a lot more) my body was actually much happier and thinner at a happy weight. I only track what I eat now because I want to make sure I get enough protein while pregnant, but I don’t plan to track it later as it becomes too all consuming for me.
The more I hear from other wonderful ladies the more I realize that it seems like so many women have struggled with this at some point in their lives! It is so freeing when you realize what your body needs and how well it will respond!
Glad to hear you are doing well Em!
I think most women, and especially those into fitness, have struggled with disordered eating at some point even if not a full-blown eating disorder. I have most definitely been challenged with body image and food issues in the past and my husband has too (not just women!) In our society it seems like all men and women can find themselves somewhere along the continuum of “disordered eating”. Thanks for talking about it. I think people need to think about it and reflect, because even if it’s not impacting phsycial health it is not a happy or productive way to live. Glad to hear you are moving into a good place! Self-honesty and awareness is key with this stuff!
This is VERY true Michele! I think men struggle with it just as much. It is just not talked about as much. I didn’t originally want to talk about it because in a lot of ways it is personal but I thinks sometimes it helps to get it out there and let others know that they are not alone!
So proud of you, Sara!!! It takes SO much courage to stop restricting and face that weight gain before your body levels out. It is so, so, so much better for your overall health and happiness, and I couldn’t be happier that you’re experiencing those results! Keep it up!!!!!
Good post! I have tracked my eating and will do it from time to time still but just to see how certain foods make me feel and identify habits, I try not to obsess about it because I have been there too.
Yes obsessing over it is when it becomes a problem! Great points Hayley!
Thanks for sharing! I think we all have our own struggles with food. I know I do. Coming from hawaii, rice and pork is everywhere. Growing up on that stuff made it really hard as an adult to throttle it down or remove it completely. Your post reminds me that its all baby steps!
So true! Yes baby steps are so important. Something I am reminding myself in many areas of my life 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing this Sara! You are so strong and deserve an optimal working body that can support all of that strength! I love reading these happy updates, they really help me to know I am not alone with certain aspects 🙂 XOXOXOXO
So true! I am proud of how much stronger my body has become! 🙂 Thank you!!
Thank you for sharing! As weird as it sounds, it’s nice to hear an honest look into the blogger’s life! Proud of you, and I look forward to reading your updates!
Thank you Sarah 🙂
I too had a long struggle with food. I won’t say that I understand what you’re going through because through my experience and reading other people experiences, everyone’s experience is different. But I will say that I’m super proud of your recovery 🙂 recovery is always an uphill battle and you’re doing great! <3
Thank you Carmy! 🙂
Thanks for sharing. I’m happy to hear that you are doing better and hope that you continue your healthy relationship with food. Did you do any sort of counseling or where you able to develop healthier eating habits on your own?
I struggle with making myself eat enough and comparing what I eat to others around me. Generally, I eat more than my husband, coworkers, all the pictures I see on ‘What I Ate Wednesday’. They are mostly healthy things (greek yogurt, almonds, wasabi peas, fruit), but sometimes it makes me feel self conscious. I know I need the calories and occasionally I’ll log my food intake to make sure I am on track.
No I didn’t seek any counseling. I did a TON of research on my own. I knew what I needed to do for a long time but just never did it. It took a lot of work but I finally got to a good place with it! Counseling is great but our insurance doesn’t cover it right now, but if you are looking for someone I Would suggest it!
I know how you feel when it comes to comparing yourself to others. My husband can eat WHATEVER he wants WHENEVER he wants. It is hard to compare myself and know i can’t eat the same things. That is why I don’t like posting What I Ate Wednesday posts and such because honestly I don’t want people to compare. Everyone is different with how much activity they do, what they have access to etc. The important thing is making sure you are getting GOOD quality foods in and that you are getting enough for your body! Don’t restrict your body needs the food!! Clean, whole, non-processed FOODS! Eat them! 🙂
Great job!!! I agree that what I eat has a massive impact on my running and in many ways that connection is what really helps me to stay focused, yup I love my running that much!!
AGREE AGREE AGREE Amanda! VERY well said!
I am starting a treatment program on Monday for anorexia, this post could not have come at a better time. Thank you.
Good for you for seeking help Kathryn! You are a strong and amazing woman!
It is funny, today I talked about things like eating disorders, being honest in blog discussions and so on … so in the interest of honesty and full disclosure I am just going to say it …
I was pretty sure you were slipping back heavily into disordered eating/thinking well before your admission and kind of ‘poked’ you on occasions about fueling and so on, but really only ever got a reply of ‘I know what is right for my body’. Just like when you were massively ramping your mileage after the layoff I tred to warn you about being careful. But it is a hard thing, we make comments but cannot know the full story and have to take it at face value when you say you’ve ‘got it’. So I was not surprised – but was disappointed for you – when you were injured, and also about your disordered admission. Because you were really not doing what was right for your body in either case.
And while I have no longer been a ‘regular visitor’, some of the things I have seen on occasion over the last several months have been concerning. And I have seen others call you out on them as well …
So I guess I will just say that I am hopeful and happy that you continue to work on these things, and I really hope that your body is getting everything it needs, and that your exercise routine is safe and moderate.
I meant to comment on this last week when you posted, but the internet at my job is kinda spotty so I couldn’t. I LOVED this post, because even though I never had an eating disorder, I was kind of in your same boat, but maybe to a degree higher.
Now, since I’ve been running and started eating more clean whole foods, I don’t obsess over every morsel I put in my mouth like I used to. I think for me, the issue was that I used to be slightly overweight, and when I went to put the work in to lose it, I went completely overboard, and wouldn’t eat anything if I didn’t know exactly how many calories, carbs, and sugars it had in it. At parties I would make excuses not to eat, and there were some things I just wouldn’t allow myself to have in the name of peeling off that college weight. This post definitely spoke to me. Good for you for making a decision to be a more healthy woman!